cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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