Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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