just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
