FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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