My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
