help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
