Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
