I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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