Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
