my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
