Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize