I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What a dumb baby whore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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