STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
