I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
