I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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