i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
