You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
