guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
