My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
