and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
