he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
