It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Actions speak louder than pants.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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