i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
