all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
