At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
