If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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