Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
