Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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