You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He felt like a one man threesome
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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