just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
