It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The air taste purple.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
