moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
