The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
