I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
