walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
