New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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