So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
