i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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