Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
