Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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