Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
