Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
