She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
