I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm having to shit out rocks
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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