woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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