Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sober January is a disaster.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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