Can Purell be used as lube?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
