All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
