I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
