When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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