Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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