My pussy is not your playground.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
