The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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