You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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