just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
