READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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