I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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