Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
