i think my tv is drunk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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