Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
tell me about the eggs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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